Thinking Out Loud

I recently began treatment for my Rheumatoid arthritis. As I sat in that big chair in that cold room with chemo meds dripping through my arm, my mind was in a thousand places. I reflected on my relationships that worked as well as those that didn't. I thought about how peaceful my soul was because of the people that have came in and left out of my life. I thought about how good God is. I asked him for peace and understanding, but this time I didn't cut corners and instead I stayed and obeyed his course. I try to focus on other things while I'm having treatment other than the obvious.  

I had a mini breakdown earlier this year during treatment because I didn't prepare my mind like I usually do. Bad idea! Therefore, this go around I was prepared and in such a better space overall. I don't like it but I know it's for my good. I keep in mind that's it's going to help slow the progression of my disease down. I'm speaking that into existence.

I was so grateful that my childhood friend brought me my lunch from my favorite fast food place. I don't allow many people to see me in that state but I know he's someone I can always count on if ever needed for anything. After he left I really reflected on people who has had my back during this long journey.

That morning I received phone calls which ended in prayer and some tears of gratefulness. Some beautiful text messages from my Sister Girls that made my day even better. I've always been the giver in relationships.  That's what I live doing, but when it came to me needing things I would always say, no thanks I'm OK. I've learned to let people in, and I ask for help when I need it (well I'm still working on that part).  

I was chatting on FaceTime with another one of my good friends. He always keeps me smiling. Boy oh boy can we talk, for hours and hours and it be good stuff.  Even though we didn't talk too long that particular day. I knew he would put a smile on my face. The good part was I got to watch him workout at the gym (ladies he's fine & single).  Well that's it for now, I want to leave you with this. Protect your PEACE. It will bless every part of your life. THANK ME LATER!!!

— Shantana Hazel